The nature of female orgasm problems has changed as times have gone by.
In the early days of sexual therapy, the major issue was either not having an orgasm at all, or it was about “having the right kind of orgasm” — as defined by Freud, that is to say, i.e. vaginal versus clitoral. (A debate which still rages….)
Nowadays it might be more accurate to say that the issues have moved away form anorgasmia to interest in squirting orgasms and female ejaculation.
Even now, however, the triggers for orgasm are not fully understood, and neither are the reasons why some women find it very easy to have an orgasm and others find it difficult, or even impossible.
When it gets to squirting orgasms, the issues are even more complicated. Here’s what Cosmo says:
My best friend regularly obsesses about her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, who was a “squirter,” and therefore the real-life incarnate of many men’s fantasy partner. Porn has encouraged men to believe that when they’ve truly rocked a woman’s body, it starts doing an impression of the Bellagio Fountain in the second-to-last scene of Ocean’s Eleven.
The average woman, myself included, doesn’t know whether squirting is real or fake beyond your standard urban legends, like, “Ashley’s friend’s ex’s friend’s aunt’s babysitter’s college roommate squirts,” which does not count. So, like the instalment in the classic girl’s mystery series entitled Nancy Drew and the Case Of Projectile Vaginal Excretions, I sleuthed with the help of a number of experts in order to solve the mystery. Ian Kerner, sexual health expert and The New York Times best selling author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, says that involuntary squirting is the Loch Ness Monster of sex. In other words, an unverifiable legend.
One of the reasons for this confusion is undoubtedly the fact that in most cases there is a very large number of factors contributing to a woman’s psychological and physical ability to orgasm…..with or without squirting orgasms. These can include both anatomical factors and the sociocultural environment in which a woman was brought up and the one in which she currently lives.
And don’t forget the interpersonal issues around her relationship with her partner, and even the impact of drugs being taken for other medical conditions.
Probably because there is such a wide range of factors contributing to the origin of orgasmic problems, there is an almost equally wide variety of possible ways of learning how to reach orgasm including sexual psychotherapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy.
Obviously when a woman says she wants to learn how to enjoy squirting orgasms and discover how to ejaculate — the first question that should be asked is: why might she want to do this, and the second is: how can she?
Of course, in reality things are never so simple, because the sociological and cultural context of squirting needs to be at the centre of any approach to learning how to do it.
So, for example, the couple need to question what orgasms, and squirting orgasms, actually mean to a woman, and for that matter, to her partner.
It might also be necessary to consider whether the absence of squirting orgasms is a problem for the couple.
A Digression – The Nature Of Orgasm
When you consider many women don’t have a sense of ownership over their bodies, and that their main focus during sex is to please their partner, the potential complexity of this issue becomes clear.
The key factor that most women mention when they describe having an orgasm is the release of tension which has gradually built up over a period of increasing sexual arousal and excitement — although this does not come close to describing the subjective experience of orgasm and the pleasure that may accompany it. (See information about the sexual response cycle here.)
We know that physiologically, the entire body is involved in orgasming, with rhythmic contractions in the uterus, the vagina, and the rectal sphincter which may persist for between 5 and 30 contractions depending on the intensity of the experience.
But in addition, the muscles of the face, the abdomen, and other parts of the body may contract or spasm; and there are other physiological changes such as flushing of the skin and sweating.
Controversy still exists about the relative importance of the vagina, cervix, uterus and clitoris in promoting orgasm, which seems to be another factor why it’s difficult to definitely talk about squirting orgasms as a particular type of orgasm.
Women – learn how to squirt
Orgasm problems – i.e the lack of orgasm – are the most common sexually reported problem in women, with up to a quarter of all women reporting that in the past year they have had difficulty in reaching orgasm or not been able to achieve it at all.
Other studies have, admittedly, reported a lower prevalence of orgasmic disorder in the female population — affecting around 10% of all women, but even so it’s a very significant proportion of the female population who appear to be having difficulty in this respect.
It is common to distinguish between primary and secondary anorgasmia.
Primary anorgasmia means a woman has never had an orgasm, while secondary anorgasmia means that a woman has trouble reaching an orgasm in some circumstances — they may be infrequent, or they may occur only under certain specific conditions.
In this context it’s important to recall that very few women actually have an orgasm during intercourse, and although statistics on this vary, maybe no more than 15% of the female population regularly achieves orgasm during intercourse. This could not, therefore, be regarded as a pathological kind of anorgasmia – it’s normal.
Body fluids are natural and even provocative. The body is an incredible chemical organism and its beautiful physical form venerated in art. It’s fluids, by extension, are beautiful and healthful. The eastern spiritual religion of Tantra views women’s bodies as temples. In fact, female ejaculate is considered a prize health tonic when rubbed into the body or drunk, invigorating and uplifting her male partner.